Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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