It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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