why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
