Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
