Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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