You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
