I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize