Porn is love you can see.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
