Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You dont lie about slip and slides
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
