This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
