Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
