I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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