What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There's always time for handjobs
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Randomize
