so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
