there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize