How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
two words: eviction party
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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