Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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