i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
