allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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