rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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