Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
