yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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