I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do vagina's smell?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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