three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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