Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
