I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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