In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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