i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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