I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
