you would pick up someone in the library
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize