I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
3pm strippers are depressing
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
