Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
