I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
