People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
