You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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