Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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