So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize