my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Can I color on your dick again?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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