By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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