I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
