You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
