the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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