I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you never un-have a 4some
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
