You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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