Im at strip club and am horny
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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