Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
