Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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