Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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