My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
