Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize