i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
