I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
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