I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
