The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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