the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
