so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
