im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
