Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
