Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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