Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize