I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
