im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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