Say something about gay babies.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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