He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
