i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize