Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
