before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
