my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
