i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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