Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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