Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
