I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
