We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i barfeds in our rink
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize