Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
