awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
