i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
