How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
