I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
