Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
