Can Purell be used as lube?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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