I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
