my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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