dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
