The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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