maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
