last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
