the new term for farting is butt boxing.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
