He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
