it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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