if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
