I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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