our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
