I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize