halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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