dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
