I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
MIDGETS
????
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
