I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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