You're so nebulous sometimes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
