Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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