He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
