He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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